Made it to 51

Well as I write this I am 51 and one day old, and grateful for it. I hear a lot of women complaining about getting older but for me it’s like a gift. This is how it is I think for people like me who are cancer survivors. So for me to still be here is a gift, even in this crazy, fucked up, post Covid world.

But now that my last Petscan was clear, it’s weird, but I don’t know what to do with myself here at the two year mark. If I could do anything I wanted I would travel but of course it’s a pandemic so kind of stuck at home. But I can dream dreams in my head.

I feel really good though. I just want to have that on record. Better than I have in a long time. So what’s next? I’m working a new job and that’s all great, and being a Mom but that’s a given. What I mean is what is next for me personally? Like I guess I feel like I want to contribute something else in the world but what is the thing? Is it this blog? My book? A podcast? Some online magazine type thing? Video blogging? Tiktok? My kids would be mortified, but I have this urge to talk to people. I just don’t know. All of the above?

But it will come to me. I’ve always had this feeling that I’m supposed to bring something to the world. My friend Tonya and I joke that we have delusions of grandeur. But what is wrong with wanting to leave a mark on the world? Especially when you realize how short and precious life is, what do we have but other people’s memories of us. I say that a lot but it’s true. So carry on, sing your song. It’s quite miraculous we are all here.