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Rockwater Glass and Healing Gems

So in my copious leisure time, on top of work and raising kids, oh and battling cancer, I make jewelry. Lately it’s been beading, but I also make glass, do wire wrapping of stones, and make all sorts of things. Here’s some picks of some of my latest pieces. All available for sale. I make lots of other things, wrapped stones, repurposed jewelry. I recently got a new load of vintage jewelry, so more work coming soon! Check out my Facebook page, Rockwater Glass and Healing Gems for pics of other pieces. Thanks!

Mala beads, 108 beads plus one prayer bead. $60 Paypal or Venmo. Email me for details. rockwaterglass@gmail.com

Triple goddess necklace. $40, with charm. On stretchy cord. Lapis, jade, and volcanic ash beads.

Bracelet on stretchy cord $30 rose, jade, lapis, purple glass, and watermelon tourmaline beads.

Heart Metamorphosis

by Molly McHaney

I feel my heart cracking open

like an egg

birthing some unknown

beautiful creature

that lies curled up

like fragile lace

inside with wings

powerful enough

to fly high close to the sun

and even when it feels

as though my heart will break

as the rotten pieces are burned off

with the fire of my missing you

and your mind-blowing words

that curled under my skin

and set me on fire.

My wings are only getting stronger

and the ache I feel

is merely the unthawing of my sheltered love.

 

Birds are for the Broken Hearted

I wanted to tell a story about many things, but birds are a big part of my story so I thought I would start there.

I have always felt connected to nature, even though I grew up in the inner city of Atlanta, but Atlanta is known, or was, as “the city of trees”. As one of the last of a feral generation, I grew up roaming Atlanta’s Morningside neighborhood, old 4th Ward, Ansley Park, and Piedmont Park walking and riding bikes everywhere or roller skating before I could drive, my friends and I would roam around anytime we weren’t at school because our Mom’s really didn’t want us in the house until dinner, and in the summer we generally stayed outside all day until dinner and then after dinner, in those lazy 1970’s summer nights, we were allowed to go back outside until dark most the time, even that year of the child murders when the three major tv channels would play those PSA commercials with a voiceover that asked, “

Do you know where your children are? My friends and I would play until it got dark, when the buzz of the o’clock news came on though my family didn’t watch tv much, my Mom followed the sunset and blew a whistle for myself and my two sisters to come home on those humid 70 summer days.

But what does this have to do with birds? Check out the full article on Medium.com https://medium.com/@mmchaney/birdwatching-is-for-the-broken-hearted-f27dc9f13f02

View at Medium.com

There will be a reckoning

This country was built on the backs of women, there I said it. The patriarchical memories still exist in the scars of deep wounds on our sisters backs from the branches of cherry trees.

Yes I said it. But the wheel of fortune and the balance of justice always restores itself. Mark my words, there will be a reckoning. Sometimes as the wheel of fortune cycles, it can seem to take forever but eventually, everything will flow out with the wash water.

And the feminine and masculine will learn to work in harmony or those who don’t wish to rebalance will fall away, like sparks of fire coming off a blacksmiths blade, mark my words, no longer will women of any color be dominated by males with an alternate agenda.

We can’t unsee what we saw, you duped us for awhile having us believe that our divine energy wasn’t sacred, that you couldn’t know what you know, that you needed a man to be any kind of person, well that is not true anymore and we will rise fully in the place of the empresses and priestesses and queens that we are.

Let no toxic male energy pull us under anymore. You tried to play me more than once toxic masculine, but you can’t anymore.

While you have been wallowing in the misery of righteous indignation, we of the divine feminine heart have been doing the hard work of keeping the flame going in our own soul hearths for everyone, and burning away all that we don’t need, and mending what we could mend, and grieving what we cannot speak it is so horrific,

but still we rise..like Maya Angelou,

from the flames of our own soul hearth, into the sacredness of our own sovereign divine energy. We are stronger together than we are divided.

By Molly McHaney

Excerpt..Necessity is the Mother of Invention..

Photo credit:Jim Arnold

To read the whole blog on Medium.com visit https://medium.com/@mmchaney/i-wasnt-going-to-talk-about-the-war-in-ukraine-632e6beb42e3

I skipped writing a blog the past few weeks due to world events. Many have also been holding off or slowing down promotion as well out of respect for humanity I suppose, due to the ongoing Russian attacks in the war with Ukraine. Watching it from afar, it’s all a bit too much though to keep quiet.

Stop Wasting Time, because Time is Life

If you’ve ever had to face your mortality a little earlier than you may have expected, like me, you learn that time is more valuable than money even, because time means precious life on earth.

And then when you live with the ongoing threat of your potential early demise because of the threat of cancer coming back, which it hasn’t so far in almost three years, thankfully, but you learn to slow down even more. To try and find joy in every day, to tell the people you love that you love them often and hug them frequently, to source beauty and grace in what might seem ordinary, like common birds.

Working in a hectic, competitive industry and living in a big city, I am faced with a lot of hostility on the daily. One day, I even had a woman follow me angrily into the gas station because she wanted my spot at the pump. I had to go in to the store to pay because the card reader at the pump wasn’t taking my card.

This woman actually took valuable time out of her own life and mine to come in the store and yell at me to demand I move my car. I was like whaaat?

I put my hand up and said calmly, “ You need to calm down, there are other pumps.”

And she did, and I got out of there as fast as I could because I don’t have time to waste fighting with people over gas pumps. I’m just not interested in engaging in things that vex my spirit. So I walked away and got out of there.

I’m not sure if it’s due to the ongoing pandemic or what, but people in the world seem more angry then they used to be.

Maybe it’s a fight or flight response thing because I think globally people feel the impact of the pandemic at some subconscious level that makes them fearful of their own survival. So that is a natural human response to fear, fight or flight.

I choose however, not to live my life in fear because you know, I do what I can to survive and truly my goal is to thrive, but there are so many things out of my control, so I choose to stay in the present and source joy everyday, little things that mean more to me now, the warm sun in my face on a cold day, for example, or the smell of warm bread, can be found every day.

It seems like in America at least, people are still trying running around trying to stab each other in the back to forge ahead like it’s “normal life” but there is no return to “normal” ,things were never “normal” in the first place, and trying to make money and get ahead at work, and trying to live the dream that is America is getting more difficult, but it’s still possible.

If anything the pandemic just exposed the dark underbelly of where the holes are in our society, because people were forced to slow down with shutdown for 18 months and kids at home in virtual school and parents were trying to work at home at the same time.

But it did give everyone an opportunity to take a pause, but now it’s a shaken economy and businesses are trying to forge ahead even while Omicron is raging through schools and communities. It’s a little bit insane, don’t ya think?

Although there is an opportunity to innovate here as well. Now that we see where the holes are we know how to fix them. There are many smart people with good ideas out there.

But everywhere, globally, as a species we are all trying to survive and then there are those that are making so much money they don’t know what else to do but shoot themselves into the stratosphere.

But then you have people, like me, just trying to take care of ourselves and our families and make money to live and pay for the inflated things we need to live like food or gas or healthcare and deal with the bulge of this inflation which doesn’t quite match the slight attempt of some companies to raise their wages and so the middle class keeps shrinking because of this, in my opinion.

I’ve even had potential jobs tell me in the past 2 years that contractor hourly rates are lower due to “Covid” rates? What the heck is that? I told more than one recruiter when I was looking for a job, “That’s not a thing, thanks but no thanks.”

And then there are those like me that manage to make a decent living but also deal with ongoing treatment of stage 4 breast cancer, though I remain, thankfully, what they call no evidence of disease or NED which isn’t quite remission because when you are labeled as stage 4, remission is rare.

That’s why I am told by my oncologist tells me that I have to stay on some kind of cancer fighting medication for the rest of my life, and who knows how long that will be, but I don’t worry myself about that, I mean everyone dies eventually, no one knows when their time in this life is done, so why waste time worrying about that?

And I maneuver all this while even through a pandemic and raising kids as a divorced Mom at the same time. I work full time because I have a mortgage, and my goal was to keep things as stable as possible, even with a cancer diagnosis.

I’m still paying off debt from dealing with major illness for 3 years, it’s especially fun (sarcasm) dealing with medical billing snafus, inflated medical costs, and difficult insurance situations.

But even with all the madness and aggression and disparity and greed and shadiness, I see all around me, I still take time to smell the flowers. I don’t want to waste time trying to keep up with the “Joneses”.

I just want to have enough money to live comfortably, do good work for good people that invokes positive change in the world, enjoy life as I can, listen to music, dance in the kitchen, even though my two teenagers tell me to stop, even if that is just taking the dog for a walk and seeing a beautiful sunset, or having taco night with my kids and laughing together.

When my time comes, I just want to be remembered well, but while I am still here I choose to value my time, it’s limited folks, don’t take your own life or other’s lives for granted you know. The earth is a still a beautiful place, embrace that.

A Poem Came to Me This Morning

When death rattled In my chest

and I felt

Myself on the edge

Of some invisible point, once you go there, if you make it back you are forever changed.

But not in a bad way, just in a way of knowing the other side while still living on earth.

but once you cross and come back, which I have a couple of times, you may begin to have this vision where you can visit

All your loved ones

And then you just know things..

Or maybe I was born with this bridge to the other side. I’m like a cat with 9 lives.

But we all die eventually.

Most people are afraid of dying, but the fact is we all do, life on this earth is limited, one body per lifetime, but I do believe we keep returning until we don’t. That’s the mystery part.

But it does become difficult to act like you don’t know. To keep silent when you see things because it’s not for me to tell people the shadow things I see..

I focus on love. I focus on that seed inside me that can grow all kinds of ideas.

I understand that every moment with the ones we love are precious.

I have tried to create a life worth living,

That’s all I can do.

MM

I’m Not Dead Yet

Well, kids, I guess I’m like the energizer bunny I just keep going and going. So far so good, even after a bout of Covid in September which remained light I think due to having a full vaccine and a booster but I still caught a mild case, changed jobs, took care of my kids, house, and animals so forth so overall it wasn’t too bad even as a cancer patient.

I don’t usually feel like a cancer patient and because I am considered “ no evidence of disease” I am one of the lucky ones most people don’t make it this far and I hit the three-year mark in October of 2021.

My doc says I have to be on these targeted therapy drugs though, for life, however long that is, but like I said I don’t pay much attention to statistics, if I did I would already be dead, read my last post for more about that.

I found out my ex-boyfriend died though, at the beginning of November. He was considered a scoundrel by many but he was my main caretaker and he stuck around when I was in the worst of my cancer so for that I do appreciate him being around but ultimately he and I split up right before the pandemic, which is probably a good thing, though I wished him no ill will, but less than two years after our break up he was dead at 45.

His weak heart finally gave out on him, he was a man of big appetites for things that were not healthy for him, he managed to keep it together when he was with me but he was unraveling after his baby’s Momma died and ultimately was his own worst enemy and had his heart broken too many times in the past when he lost his own Momma at a relatively young age. I tend to attract men who want a Mom I guess I have strong maternal qualities, but all I really needed him to do was get a job and he wouldn’t. It was more complicated than that but that’s another story for another post. I know way too much about Kentucky that’s all I’m saying about that.

So I remain mostly in my solitude except for my kids who I share custody with their Dad, so there are times when I am completely alone but I really have come to enjoy the alone times. Even when I ache from my ongoing treatments I don’t really get lonely, I have the birds and trees to keep me company and music and projects and work too of course.

I don’t really think about being a chronic cancer patient much at all either except when I go to the doctor every three weeks I go for full lab work and ongoing treatment to keep me alive. I am grateful for life, I feel there is more I have left to do, although keenly aware that most people don’t make it past 5 years in cases like mine, but like I said I don’t concern myself too much with statistics. What I do is try to do is slow down, don’t sweat the small stuff, take time to enjoy conversations with my kids, watch how the light changes during the day, notice the moon, stargaze. Life is too short to be bickering or unhappy about this and that. Live on this earth is so precious, don’t take it for granted. I wish we had more peace, less violence, and suffering in the world, I really do.

I know everyone says that but when you live with a chronic illness that you don’t know when it might bear its ugly teeth and kill you, it changes your perspective you know, some become bitter and angry, some surrender, some just enjoy what they can out of life and try to leave a lasting impression. You know ultimately isn’t that what everyone wants to know that others knew they were there? And they left some love in the world before they left and enjoyed life as much as they could with their loved ones? That’s all that matters to me, and that my kids will be taken care of too. Life is a gift, try not to squander it.

Update: my last scan this past week, Jan 4, was considered normal, though I am experiencing chronic bone and muscle pain in my hip and legs, and foot. So that’s fun. Carry on, live your best one and precious life, at least this time around.

Statistically, I Should Be Dead

I stopped looking at statistics on cancer especially the kind of breast cancer I was diagnosed with a few years ago.

It does nothing to soothe the anxiety, I’ll say that. Everyone knows you shouldn’t Google any medical condition. The results are always the same, the odds aren’t good. The odds weren’t good for me at all when I was first diagnosed with stage 4 Her 2+ breast cancer in October of 2018 at the age of 48. The cancer had gotten in my lymph fluid and pleural fluid around my lungs, it was in my blood, it was everywhere. That makes me what is called a “lifer” in the cancer world, which means I have to be on some sort of at least preventative meds for life, however long that is, no one knows for sure.

That used to bother me. I wanted the doctor to tell me how long I have now? Since I beat their initial odds for me which was only a couple of months when I was first diagnosed with cancer and had pneumonia at the same time, and a threat of lung collapse because of the malignant pleural effusion in my chest itself, not to mention the fluid was cancerous. I had to come to terms with the idea that yes I could die, but also, I could live for a while. I wanted to live as long as possible, so I chose to fight the mighty behemoth that is cancer, and realize everyone is going to die one day, it’s just a matter of when, which no one knows.

After a week in the hospital, I was released, but still weak. I couldn’t walk from my bedroom to the kitchen without taking a break in the den, and it’s not that far of a walk. I started the initial 6 months of chemo on Halloween in 2018.

Then the trimodal treatment continued with surgery in May of 2019, which allowed me to be considered no evidence of disease (NED). Then I endured radiation for 6 weeks daily during December/January 2019-2020 mostly due to the inflammatory breast cancer part of my illness, which means it was in my skin as well as having a tumor. The surgery took care of the tumor, though they like to do radiation to help keep cancer from coming back to the skin.

Now it’s almost two and a half years later and I’m still here, and
I am considered no evidence of disease (NED) it’s called for someone like me, which means the cancer is under control, but it’s not quite the same as remission.

But I’ll take it if it means even one extra day of life with my kids, I am grateful for it. My preventative treatments are now down to one IV med a month and a couple kinds of anti-cancer pills that have bad side effects, but I’ve learned to manage them. I often have to go get hydrated at the cancer clinic once a week but I figure it’s good for my insides, they like it.

I’m not sure where I was going with all this. I guess just to say when things get tough, go tougher, though I’m at a point in my life where I feel I could use a break, it’s been a tough couple of years.

A lottery win would be nice? Just putting that out there. For a long time, I haven’t felt any energy much for my creative endeavors, like this blog, as I work full time as a copywriter and I’m a single Mom so my life is pretty full. Add cancer into the mix and a lot of other stuff and it just zaps my energy like that but lately, I have felt that creative itch in my hands. Also, I took a few days off my day job because I hit this wall of exhaustion and I knew my body needed to rest. Then it occurred to me maybe the creative flow never leaves me, I just leave it when I get into my mode of like I have to make money and don’t have time for letting my mind wander but that is all I want to do.

I made these earrings last night. I like to play with crystals, healing stones, and beads.

Moonstone beads with embellishments and dragonflies.

And I like to write my own weird thoughts down even though I feel like not many people read them. If you are reading this I thank you. What is writing if not to try and connect with other humans in some way?

The other day I drove around for a couple hours just listening to Prince while I ran some errands, but it was divine. I’d had a bad day at work last week and was sort of reeling from it but driving around listening to Prince’s genius made me realize it’s really not the end of the world, just a bad day at work. I am here, I am alive, I have the energy to create things and write down my thoughts. I used to write my thoughts in scribbles in journals to make sure no one would read them. Now I write them on a blog where I fear no one will read them. Funny how time, and facing one’s own mortality changes one’s perspective.

Happy Spring Equinox

I always feel a sense of renewal at this time of the year when the darkest night of winter turns into the brightest light of day. I am really into my garden planning lately. My youngest child and I planted seeds a few weeks ago and they are growing so fast. Just like my kids themselves. But my goal is to make a victory garden of sorts because this whole pandemic yikes has felt like a war and in a way it has been. But it’s like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now with a lot of things whereas I just saw darkness before and a few moments of light like pin holes in the tunnel where the light got in. It’s funny how you don’t know you are in darkness sometimes until you see light.

I spent an entire year once studying shadows with 2 year olds at this progressive pre-school. We brought a disco ball in the room and we went out in the forest behind the school and studied light and shadow. We went to a big open warehouse space in downtown Atlanta and let the children run around in the light and shadows of those big windows.

The light of First spring was bright this morning it woke me up. I have a sense of renewal and rebirth, that is what it is all about. Hope springs eternal they say. Blessings and happy Spring to all.

What is Time?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about time. I do always feel a renewal this time of year. A time to contemplate and heal. Fresh starts are my favorite. I renew my contract with myself to enjoy the present. Don’t worry so much about time. What do we have but moments strung together and then the memories of those moments that we hold most sacred in our hearts, that make us feel love and loved..