Well I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about cancer that much but it’s the kind of thing that takes over your life. It’s a terrible illness but so far I have beat the doctor’s odds for me from where I came from and I plan to keep fighting. I am currently going through the radiation portion of the preventative program, coming from stage 4 breast cancer to over a year since diagnosis. Radiation is something I wasn’t really ready for to be honest. It’s every day, and you have to lie on this machine sort of like a petscan or CT, and this machine comes down with lasers and zaps your skin. It doesn’t hurt at the moment but after, wow I wasn’t prepared for the burn. Some people might ask why do I put myself through all this? Poison to combat the poison of cancer. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to me either, but i want to live as long as possible for my kids if nothing else, but also for myself. I feel like I am not done yet.
It’s rigorous to be sure but it’s supposed to help keep the cancer from coming back. 33 days, so far have done 31. I’ve got two more boosts they call them, those are blasts of radiation to specific areas, not so wide spread for me that means right on the mastectomy line, so my skin is pretty mad right now. I try to meditate while I am there, or focus on the lasers that shine on the wall with this weird floral wallpaper border, but I swear there are codes in the lasers. Maybe codes for my life, secrets I try to decode while I lie there with my arms up. I’ll be glad when this part is over. The kind of cancer i have has a high risk of recurrence but so far I am winning the battle and just trying to source joy in every day. Life is a blessing, that is definitely something I learned. And also I am stronger then I knew I was.
Petrichor - An Online Journey 